So I'm in line at Pet Supplies Plus to buy some dog food. The place is a little packed so I make my purchase and get ready to go. As I sling the 35lb bag of food over my shoulder, the bag bursts and ~20lbs of dog food creates a sad stage upon which I stand shocked and frozen. As the music swells in my head, "Let it go, let it go" I realize that an employee is talking to me, saying, "It's fine, just grab another bag and we'll take care of it."
*To the credit of the employees here, they said it nicely, as if it would be their greatest pleasure to sweep up the giant pile of crap I just dumped all over their floor. This is why Pet Supplies Plus rules and I drool.
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Today at work I as talking to a friend. I tried to show her something on her computer so I leaned over in my computer chair. All of a sudden, whoosh! There goes the chair- right out from under me! WTF?! Bad day to wear a skirt, Kate.
I left work with the classic, "I have to pee, but I can wait until I get home" attitude. I came home, let the dogs in, then somehow proceeded to lock myself out of my house...with one of my dogs. How does that even happen? Luckily we only had to wait 2.5 hours until my mother was able to drive over and let us in. On the bright side, she brought dinner.
1. Kate walks dogs.
2. Charlie poops. 3. Kate scoops poop. 4. Kate swings bag. 5. Bag flies out of hand. 6. Kate retrieves bag. 7. Kate resumes swinging bag. 8. Kate smells poop. 9. Kate comes to horrible realization that there's a hole in bag of poop. 10. Kate calmly but disgustedly acknowledges poop on shoe, gloves, coat, leash, bare hands. 11. Kate must walk 10 poopy minutes home. 12. Kate does laundry. Shoes not salvageable. I'm ashamed to admit that when I first saw the 'ermahgerd' meme, I thought it was a german post that I wasn't smart enough to understand.
Dear Spiders,
Nothing makes me scream like you. Whenever I see you, I can't peel my eyes away--and when I blink, I can't explain the dread I feel when I look and you're not there. Please stop sneaking up on me at night, though. Frightfully yours, A Two Legged Freak Picture this: A quiet golf course butting up against a road not-so-much travelled. Various golfers enjoying their fores and fellow company. Geese are reveling in the fact that they're about to cross the road (and they're geese, so no one's questioning their motives), when all of a sudden a Prius (they're so stealthy!) comes outta nowhere! It's passenger, a dazzlingly blonde idiot, shouts "Honk Honk!" in her loudest, most obnoxious goose-imitating voice in the hopes of deterring these birds from interfering with the path of her environmentally responsible vehicle. The only things stopped by this goose call were the fun, merriment, and serenity of a group of older gentlemen's golf game. You guessed it, that idiot was me.
What better way to spend a first date than to wear sweats and not do anything with your hair after napping? I can think of none. I did think of none.
I went on an interview in Arkansas where they said, "Wow, you must be intelligent to have graduated from _____ school." If only they knew how my trip ended...
I missed my connecting flight at 7:40pm in Dallas and unfortunately the only flight was the next morning at 8:40am. Now, airports aren't the most accommodating places for sleepovers, but someone tipped me off to a somewhat comfortable area where I could watch tv (luckily TBS was on, since I wasn't able to change the channel). I went there, alone, to watch tv and when I woke up about an hour later, I found a man watching me. Not quite the 'man of my dreams' I was looking for.. A day of stupidity...not a rare occurrence, unfortunately.
1. I interviewed for a job the other day with the chief psychiatrist of the facility. I went to a clinical at one of the other offices for this facility yesterday and had a video conference with him and a few other sites. What idiotic, job-unsecuring thing did I do? I almost fell asleep. I'm on a big screen pinching myself, while my head bobs and my eyes cross. AND, I was wearing the same bright blue striped shirt as I did in the interview to make absolutely sure I stick out and he remembers me. I'm not going to hold my breath for that job... 2. I drew a blank in one of my patient's appointments and asked him what his weekend plans were. I think he thought I was asking him out... 3. While leaving this clinical, I drove West instead of East. It took me 25 minutes to realize I was farther away from home. AND, I had my GPS on. 4. Because it took me so long to get home, I had to reschedule a phone interview because I had terrible reception in the car. I'm also not going to hold my breath for that job. |